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MAKE IT stop! [Nov. 22nd, 2006|09:11 pm]
[Current Location |My home]
[Current Mood |apatheticapathetic]
[Current Music |My head thumping!]

URG to everyone out there who I have not talked to or seen in awhile, I am so sorry. I have been very busy and under consistent watch. I have also felt uncomfortable in my own skin. I know I am not who I was before, I want everyone out there to help me be who I was. I mean I have had people come up to me saying, "Oh my god you're so different ever since Pine Rest." They will also say, "What ever happened to my kookie/ Alex."

I have tried to talk to my grandma about it and she says she likes me better now that I have changed. It is really getting to the point that I am going to freak out and the history will repeat it's self.

I also feel as if I want to go to a different school. I don't want to be at Union anymore. It makes me feel unsafe and uncomfortable.

Oh, here is some good news, I hung out with Ben, Nick, and Janean. I have Nick's violin. I tried to tune it at home but with barely any force the D string broke. So I have to go buy a new one and get everything tuned. Well yeah, that is about it. I had so much fun.

I love you all,

Alexandra
~♥~
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MAKE IT stop! [Nov. 22nd, 2006|09:08 pm]
[Current Location |My home]
[Current Mood |apatheticapathetic]
[Current Music |My head thumping!]

URG to everyone out there who I ahve not talked to or seen in awhile, I am so sorry. I have been very busy and under consistant watch. I have also felt uncomfortable in my own skin. I know I am not who I was before, I want everyone out there to help me be who I was. I mean I have had people come up to me syaing, "Oh my god you're so different ever since Pine Rest." They will also say, "What ever happended to my kookie/ Alex."

I have tried to talk to my grandma about it and she says she likes me better now that I ahve changed. It is really getting to the point tthat I am going to freak out and the history will repeat it's self.

I also feel as if I want to go to a different school. I don't want to be at Union anymore. It makes me feel unsafe and uncomfortable.

Oh, here is some good news, I hung out with Ben, Nick, and Jeannean (SP??). I have Nick's violin. I tried to tune it at home but with barely any force the D string broke. So I have to go buy a new one and get everything tuned. Well yeah, that is about it. I had so much fun.

I love you all,

Alexandra
~♥~
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I am truely sorry! [Oct. 20th, 2006|07:55 pm]
[Current Mood |confusedconfused]
[Current Music |Beauty in the breaking (??)--The Scene Astetic]

Ok, I am so sorry for the lack of updates. Well yeah I just I have alot of things to update on.

-Well yeah Gary and I are over and have been since the second of September.
-I have been sick, I don't know why.
-I was put on Prozac and I blacked out and did some stupid shit.
-I have a boyfriend (Chris Colburn)
-I have alot of questions and help that I need from you guys!

Ok Chris Myspaced me and said:

"hey whats up hun... me nottin... but i was just curious... would u ever wanna go back out? since ur single and all... just curious... hit me back soon...ily chris"

I was at Nichole's grandma's and then I went to Nichole's and I called him and said, "The answer to your question is yes."
He was so happy, then before that I met a guy named Alex[ander]and the first time I met him (before Chris and I started to go out) I bit his neck. I thought nothing of it well yesterday (Thursday) he bit me at "C" lunch. And of course being the chick I am I bit him back (while I was dating Chris)and as soon as my teeth left his neck there was a hickey. So yeah, I had to worry about that.
And today I told Alex to go to B lunch and he actually did. He sat next to me and he held my arm and yeah, and I went to go walk him to class and there was a fire drill and I met him outside and then when we got inside it was C lunch and he walked me to my class and there was a mob of people and I grabbed his hand so I would not lose him and then once we were out of the mob we didn't let go. I walked out of class with my friend Samantha and we went to the office and Alex just happened to be outside my class so as I was going down the stairs I was explaining it and he grabbed my hand and we interlocked fingers and yeah. I don't knwo what to do.
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Hey [Sep. 26th, 2006|03:34 pm]
Hey well yeah I had a random feeling to update.
Well yeah I am not so happy. I mean I am cuz I have a new digital camera but I am still not over Gary.
I mean I guess he has a Girlfriend and everything and he is happy I am happy that he is happy but I just don't know what to do anymore.

But anyways, I got what I wanted for my birthday. Now I just need to get a memory card beacuse the camera I have can only store like 13 pictures.
Well yeah I have to go I love you all.
Oh if y'all want add me to myspace
www.myspace.com/checkered_red_dress
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OMGAWD [Sep. 18th, 2006|03:24 pm]
[Current Location |Library]
[Current Mood |annoyedannoyed]

Ok
Saturday.
Ok I went to Hot Topic and I got Gelies, leggins, 2 necklaces and I got a few Tee-shirts. And then I went to Spencers and I got a few buttons and then I went to the "MEXICAN" Fesitval. But actually I went up to Skelletones and I chilled with Nichole, Adriana, Cory and his Ghetto sister!! But yeah they made me spill like 1/4 of my Java Junky. I was all sad. Yeah, anyways. It was funny.

Sunday.
I went to Rose Bowl and I worked for awhile. It was nice to be back. I found a bear I wanted and it is like $20 though. But I want it so bad. And I fell asleep at work and I had a weird dream, though it was about Gary. I still cannot wait for the day that I am over him. But ben says that I would not be over him untill I am in a healthy, long lasting, and fun-loving relationship. I guess that it true, but I don't know.

Monday.
Today was alot of fun. I guess there was a fight during C lunch. I went to fifth hour and I got to poke a dead goose. It was soft. But Mr. Bristol and swung the gopse by the neck. It was disturbingly funny. And then Bristol broke the goose's leg.

Well yeah here is my update to please Ben.
I love you all except Amanda TreveGno and Chris Colburn!
Alexandra
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Damn it Ben! [Sep. 4th, 2006|12:23 pm]
Well yeah the only reson I am updateing if cause of Ben.

Here is the only interesting update I have.

Gary Broke up with me! I was so sad I cried! But we are still friends.

ILYA
ALexandra
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(no subject) [Aug. 21st, 2006|01:12 pm]
[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]
[Current Music |Miss Murder--AFI]

Wow. Well yeah I dont knwo where to start! Probally meeting "HIM". Well I Met HIM at pride 06 as GARY. I started to talk to Gary about a few days later and we really got along. Well We then talked on the phone and later it progressed to hanging out. Well lets skip to the Rain storm that happened on that magical night! Well yeah we had been walking for awhile no and then we went to my house and I asked to walk Gary home and my dad said yes so I didn't end up comming home till well past midnight 30 and blah blah blah That night he classified me as his girlfriend (I had NO problem with it) and that was our first date! and then that next Wensday a few other things happened that some people know and some people dont. well yeah well I guess that he is going around saying that he does not have a girlfriend.

I don't knwo waht to do. I mean he has apart of me that no one will ever get. Well yeah I have spent endless nights crying. I have been kind of depressed and I dont know where to turn.

PLEASE HELP! KEEP ME FROM DRIFTING AWAY!
ILYA
ALexandra
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Poem Title: Handcuffed To Razor Blades [Aug. 8th, 2006|06:55 pm]
[Current Location |My house]
[Current Mood |apatheticapathetic]
[Current Music |My Mix Cd]

I'm handcuffed to razor blades.
Slicing open my skin.
The more I struggle,
The tighter they get.
I learn to stop.
I watch the runs
Of blood streaming.
The blood teaches me
...PAIN.
The key is so
Out of reach.
So watch me
Bleed my screaming
Struggles
As I run the
Razor over the
Thickest blue vein
To end all crulity.
LIFE Reborn!

I am not too proud. But I find it interesting that I wrote this at 2:30 AM while listening to Hawthorne Heights so what do you expect? SO yeah I would like to have some feedback!
I love you all.
Alexandra
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(no subject) [Aug. 2nd, 2006|06:21 pm]
What is your emo band name? by spiralinghalo
Your band name is:While the Whole Town Is Still Sleeping
You sound like:Bright Eyes
You will be signed to:Dying Wish Records
Your emo lyrics are:"My breath is running out of sympathy from you"
Name:
Quiz created with MemeGen!
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(no subject) [Aug. 2nd, 2006|02:10 pm]
[Current Location |Library]
[Current Mood |coldcold]

Anorexia/Bulimia disorder

[] You know what fasting is.
[] You've been on a fast before.
[x ] You've gone more than two days with out eating.
[x ] You've purged your food before (aka Thrown up).
[x] You dont like the way you look.
[x] You obsess about how many calories are in your food.
[x ] You exercise more than anything else in your daily life.
[x] You have low-self esteem.
[x] You've lost alot of weight in the past year.
[x] You have persistent negative comments to say about your body shape and size.
[x] Your personality has changed, or you think your "huge" when others say that your skinny.

TOTAL : 9

Bi-Polar Disorder

[x] You can be happy one moment, and then be pissed the next.
[ x] Your mood is either at a very high point, or a very low point.
[x] You have sudden outbursts out of nowhere.
[x] You get pissed off easily.
[x] People have asked you if you've had bi-polar before.
[ x] You use curse words.
[x] You are severely depressed, or it comes and goes very often.
[x] You get so depressed, that its hard to get out of bed at times.
[x] You always seem to have tons of energy.
[ ] You hardly ever sleep, or engage into things such as drugs, alcohol, or risky sex activities.
[x] You've had/or still have suicidal thoughts, or have attempted it.

TOTAL: 10

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

[x] You have unwanted ideas or impulses to do things.
[x] You have urges to do things, to relieve a discomfort you might be feeling.
[x ] You are obsessed with something that you do every single day.
[x] You have anxiety or feel distressed.
[ x] You feel like if you dont repeat a certain act, whatever it may be, something bad might happen to you or a loved one.
[x ] You can easily loose control of your mind.
[x] You like to make sure you're clean all the time.
[x ] You've thought you might have obsessive compulsive disorder before.
[x] Certain impulses or images come to your mind often.
[ x] You repeat certain acts to get whatever it is out of your mind.
[x] Your obsession interfears with school, work, or social life...or you tend to feel paranoid.

TOTAL: 11

Schizophrenia

[ ] You have violent behavior.
[ x] You tend to have multiple personalities.
[ ] You have delusional thoughts.
[ x] You have paranoia.
[ ] You isolate your self from being social with people.
[x] You have trouble sleeping.
[x] You sometimes have unusual sensitivity.
[ ] You've had hallucinations before.
[ ] You have a flat voice, lack eye contact, and a blank face expression while talking.
[ ] You have difficulty with your speech, or answering questions normally.
[x] You are real emotional.

TOTAL : 5

Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD)

[] You were abused as a child.
[x] You've been exposed to many traumatic situations.
[x] Your personality can change within seconds.
[x] You sometimes act like you're a different person, but its only in a certain mood you get into.
[x] You cant remember many things that have happened in your life
[ x] You sometimes feel like your body is not real, as if its changing in size, shape, color, ect.
[x ] You look at something and you feel like its changing in size, shape, and color to...or as if what your looking at is not even real.
[x] You can become very stressed easily.
[x] You have forgotten bits and pieces of your child hood.
[ x] You are unable to recall personal information.
[x ] You feel as if your not even here, and that your more than one person.

TOTAL: 10

I HAVE:Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

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